I first held him in my arms, when my nephew was barely a few minutes old. Two years later, I experienced the same thrill while embracing my niece. There were nights of ecstatic sleeplessness when I'd sit on a sofa for hours, laying them face down on my chest, so that their cholic exasperations would wither away. From then on, there was hardly ever a day when I didn't get to see the two of them; any day missed was a day wasted, a night melancholic. Gradually, however, as my sister got busy with the kids' schools and household chores, gaps began to spring up. Then I got married and those gaps fanned out a little more. At times, we'd meet every day, and at times, there'd be a lull for a couple of days, when she could have been making the kids study at home for upcoming exams, preparing for a dinner party at her place or I couldn't make it to our parents' house (where we always get together). Naturally, it took time but we've all gotten accustomed to the changing facets of life and times.
A few days back, I was at my parents' and my sister called to say that she and the kids would be coming over. I waited eagerly for the little monsters. Eventually, when she arrived, my nephew was missing. He chose to stay back home to savour his latest birthday gift, Sony's Play Station 2. How mean, I reacted, with a combo of affection and disappointment. My father began reminiscing about how that is the story of every relationship. As times change, and as we grow up, we find new things to keep us busy, by choice or by compulsion, and the focal points of our lives remain each other no more. He warned that that was life. That as the 6 year old would grow up, he'd discover new hobbies and begin enjoying meeting people other than good old me!
I agreed, because it was so obvious. Industries are built on these lifestyle patterns. How our parents watch our every move, as we grow from infants and toddlers to young and independent-minded individuals, and how we fail to offer them the same kind of attention. We may respect and love them, but we gradually grow distant. Some children move away for education or livelihood, some for their marriages to survive. Or worse, that love and respect withers either in the face of utter abandonment or we try to convince our conscience by telling ourselves that old peoples' homes are better equipped to take care of them.
I feel sad. Do you? This blog entry, deserves to be read.
Copyright (c) 2008 Saadia Malik
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11 comments:
No reason to feel sad. People's interests evolve all the time. Every relationship requires work to ensure that the interests of everyone evolve in-sync.
Get a PS3.
PS3! Haha, the blue-ray discs ensure that we don't go for the latest offering! :-)
I have a lot of confidence in my close relations, but just the thought of the way the world works...sad. It is true. Take the case of brothers and sisters. Growing up together, sharing things like clothes, accessories and food. One after the other, everybody gets married and settled in different places. The next generation enters the scene, and before you know it, you're calling each other after days; then as you get older, you are dependent on others to help you meet your sibling. So on and so forth... Sad!
I have grown up with my nieces as they are of almost same age as mine... just yesterday we were reminiscing how we spent our childhood... its no more there but the memories are still afresh...
we dont get time to get together but still we all cherish the lil stupid things we used to do... we cant curse this time as they say "yesterday is today's past and today will be tomorrow's"... so we need to change by the time passes and never to forget the good time in past :)
"Cest' La Vie"
http://muddleheadedsblog.blogspot.com
Same age as yours. How cute!
I have family spread across the globe, and this is close family I am referring to. There are times when we don't see each other for years. It is sad, no doubt, but it's a reality we saw coming with this push for the 'global' that started almost a decade ago. Apparently we did know there would be a price to pay, and yet we went ahead, so why the hue and cry now. ...So, there are separations, and then there are separations like the ones you cite; both are heart rending but are usually a result of life choices that we make in order to eke out a better future for ourselves and our next generation. Pondering on them does not mean we proactively are going to seek out a solution to change the situation, so why even ponder. However, this may just be my 'American' take on the situation as we are known to be an individualistic society!
Times flies thats why ,always treasure memories,moments,love,letters,thoughts,laughs
cries,hugs,kisses,smell,dreams...........
I miss so many !
Id, but pondering is still human. Public pondering, I can't speak much for! :-) A lot of people around me have been migrating Westwards for better futures; I personally, am dead against those kinds of moves. I don't find it ethically sound to leave my parents alone at the time when old age starts to set in for them. I'd rather be less affluent than to leave them alone.
Yes, Daanish, time flies. And one realises it even more while flipping through old photo albums!
Saadia you are tagged :)
check out my blog post:
"Scattergories:I am tagged"
Have Fun.
If we are conscious of the emotional needs of our ageing parents, we can make life much easier for them- despite their health problems. We will also get enough in return.
Thank you Saadia, that was a wonderful blog entry that you linked to.. and about Old Age homes.. pata nahi.. i m not so sure of a lot of things..
Noble thoughts, Onkar.
What about old age homes, how-do-we-know?
Daanish, I'll revert to your blog once I feel a little better. Thanks.
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