Squeaky. Paranormal.

So I had a paranormal experience last night.

My sleep cycle is too sensitive for me to be able to control it. One bad day, or one late night, and it takes me days to get my act together. Last night, was the beginning of another chaotic routine. I happened to catch a very interesting episode of ER - a show I used to watch eagerly with my sister, late in the night, before I got married and moved out. In the middle of the show, I heard some weird taps; the kinds that typically come from throwing rubber balls on wooden surfaces. Soft yet hard. I then heard some loud and clear squeaking that I've never heard before (and hope to never hear again). A lizard.

So I had this paranormal experience last night.

A lizard entered our room from under the door, rushed behind a curtain, and began squeaking. Not once. Not twice. A few times. In the dark of the night, it seemed like a lot. I shivered. I woke up a tired husband, just about getting ready to snore.

"Did you hear that?" I asked him. He probably thought somebody had broken in. "No. What happened?", his eyes bloodshot. Not from anger, but from sleep. Deep sleep. "Wait for it. There's a lizard, squeaking." He shuffled over to the other side instantly. But I had achieved it. I had managed to put him on high alert. The next time that damn thing squeaked, he heard it.

I lay on my bed. Scared. Unable to put my treacherous feet on the floor. I picked up my mobile phone and pointed its browser to google. "Do lizards squeak?" I found a lot. They squeak when in pain or excited. For the love of God, I thought, let it be pain. Let it be pain. Let it die. I have already had an encounter with two mating lizards this season, and I can't handle more. I can't understand how people can write about these little "harmless" creatures and oh-so-fondly. I actually found this blog: Things that go squeak in the night. I'm sorry, but I refuse to be smitten by these "little guys". That just wouldn't be normal. That would be paranormal.

So I had a paranormal experience last night. Have you ever?

Finally...admission!

I don't normally post pieces from the web, but after Hillary's tough rhetoric, this comes as a welcome admission. Something Pakistanis have desperately been trying to tell America, since forever. They sowed the Taliban. They invested in their training and development. The Taliban are America's love-child from the Soviet War. So Uncle Sam better stop messing with us. We've weathered threats and sanctions in the past, and we can continue doing that.

I bet Bill had a class with the Mrs. after her "patriotic" speech yesterday! ;-)

US created Taliban and abandoned Pakistan: Clinton

The Fast and The Furious...

...leave one dead; two, critically injured. At 4:00 am in the morning, a four-wheeler - allegedly driven by an MNA's son, drunk and wasted (who immediately fled the scene) - rammed into the car of a Luminite. The collision left the boy in his junior year at undergrad school, dead.

This happened immediately behind my father's house, on the main road, here in Defence, Lahore. He instantly called Rescue 1122, who refused to respond, stating that they needed confirmation that somebody actually was injured! My father insisted that there was a very bad collision, the noise from which, woke them up from deep sleep; he could see smoke gushing out from the vehicles and the electricity pillar damaged. But Rescue 1122 refused. He then called the DHA Police.

Boys and girls from big families are above the law, it seems. Out with a license to kill. But our youth is now waking up to its civic rights and duties. Will the one who fled, be caught? Will the 2 boys in jail, be released with the force of contacts behind them? Will Rescue 1122 be admonished? Will drinking ever end, in this 'land of the pure'? Let's wait and see.

A Fussy Freelancer

I have never had a full-time job. Yes, I have had opportunities to take a few up, but I’ve been too choosy about the jobs that have come my way. My father thinks I should only concentrate on writing (it is the one interest, that has stood the test of time) - to not try and make money out of it, but simply for the beauty of it. My husband thinks I can’t take up a job ever, because my interests are intense at first, but then, fleeting. “Aren’t you a bit fussy with your job hunt?”, he’d ask me. I’ve now given up job-hunting. Its not for me! 

I know friends who can’t breathe properly if they don’t get a daily dose of some social-networking at work; I also know friends who are stay-at-home moms, and wouldn’t have it any other way. I yearn for both ends of the bargain. My being, therefore, exactly and aptly defines the being of a freelancer. Our times have already been revolutionized because of the internet, which continues to weave intricate webs. Could I have asked for more? I call freelancing, the best of both worlds. I get to stay at home and I get to work. An exotic combination!

Freelancing, if one manages to continue attracting projects, almost always cuts away monotony. There is a wide variety of projects so you don’t feel like an ass, much less, a self-induced slave. There is, obviously, a lot of sympathy for those who don’t have any choice but to give in to the grit of capitalism. Granted: most of us don’t have a choice.

Of course, all is not happy and gay for freelancers either. I’ve had quite a few experiences to say that most employers - when they are not binded by a permanent contract - tear your skin apart before they pay you. And paying right, is another story!

I once had a verbal agreement with a weekly paper in Pakistan to pay me a fixed amount for every piece I published with them; in turn, it was required of me to make at least one submission every week. I held my end of the bargain, and got so excited about the opportunity that I almost wrote a full-length research paper for them, divided into four topics, to be published in parts, in the course of a whole month. At the end of the month, however, I was paid for one article alone. I argued that every part held its own, and I should be paid accordingly. They argued (regardless of the fact that this article was about 6000 words in length) that it was one article after all! Fair? I don’t think so!

Among the few companies/organizations that I am working with these days as a freelancer, is an outsourcing company. They’re paying me less than what was initially committed by their representative, over a phonecall; they keep pressurizing me about the submission of projects before the deadlines strike; I compromised on the pay, and I always submit well in time. But when it is my turn to expect a payment, they pay, but they take their time - the time in which I keep inquiring, to the extent that I’ve now earned myself a repute. I recently declined a project they sent my way: the text of the email read, “Let me know if you’re interested.” I told them I wasn’t. And here’s part of the reply I got: “Aapka nakhra zyada nahin hai?” (Translation: Aren’t you a bit too fussy?)

Copyright (c) 2009 Saadia Malik

The New M(e)ntra

Women are often blamed of being insecure; from their insecurities, it is alleged, they give way to cynicism. The weaklings from Venus are at absolute unease with their husbands' female co-workers; should the 'man of the house' come home late from work, they are looked at with meaningful glances. Do you think this is more cliched than it is real? I, for one, do.

Having been in conversation with some married girlfriends of mine, it has become alarmingly obvious that it is the men these days, who are insecure. As women discover their right to indulge in economic work, to not be shy or guilty about frequenting their own family; away from the stoves, finding independence in a stroll away from the 'need' to seek permission to go out with friends, or to simply have a life of hers (previously, there only being 'theirs' and 'his'), it is the men who now put on scrawny thinking caps, coming up with unflattering innuendos towards their other halves.

I think the male species is having a hard time letting the 'fairer sex' stand with it, shoulder to shoulder. The wife's confidence is instantaneously rewarded the status of feminism, in attempts to keep her playing on the back foot. And don't ever try saying, "This is the 21st century, man!" No wonder everybody's on the lookout for metrosexuals: men just don't cut it anymore...

The glass is half-full, and so is my patience

Family setups in the East are generally more well-knit than the West, or at least, that is the impression. There are a few places like Spain, Italy and Greece, which seem to still have a lasting fabric of familial ties, but I personally see those as exceptions, rather than the rule. Movies like 'Failure to Launch' are reflective of patterns of living in the West. If you're old enough to earn, you're out. If you're living in the same house as your parents, your market value falls sharply.

On this end of the spectrum, the opposite holds sway. If you're old enough to earn, you're supposed to tell your parents to relax and enjoy a retired life. You're not only supposed to provide for them, but to live with them as well. We, as a people, look down upon the concept of old people's homes. Not because the old should be left to rot, but because they deserve better. Of those who digress from their duty as obedient and caring children, it is often lamented, "One mother can wean and nurture 10 kids, but those 10 kids find it hard to care for that same woman, 30 years down the road."

I agree. Whether it is my conscience itself, or what it has been taught, I agree. Family is very important to me. It remains the fabric of my life. I would extend these feelings of belonging and responsibility to so many relatives. But...it gets tricky.

It becomes hard for most people to draw the line. At what point do they start interfering and stop caring? Should Mehek's aunt keep pressing her to get married? And if she does, should her grandmother be constantly nagging her to plan a baby? When little Amir is a year old, should Mehek's mother-in-law pressurize her to seize the day, and bring Amir's little sister into the world?

We, in the East, are proud of our family systems, but we, in the East, are also too tired of the utter lack of privacy. If you like to see the glass half-full always, then maybe, we are all superstars, because we just can't be!

A Simpleton...and Lovin' It!

A couple of months ago, we tried a new restaurant in the city. Well, not so much new as new-to-us. My husband and I loved it. He loved what he ordered, and I loved the stuff on my plate. A couple of other people had highly rated the food there too. So, on my sister's birthday last week, I recommended that we all dine there. And we did. She didn't like the entrée I had so fondly recommended. Why? Because she is a cooking-show addict, which means that she can pretty much disect the ingredients of anything cooked, baked, boiled, poached...it just has to be edible. Her biopsy revealed to unwitted food-lovers such as myself, that the chicken was merely grilled in ordinary condiments; no special culinary skills backed it up, and there certainly were no signs of marination. The sauce was a simple mixture of this, that and those. Hence, not special. Bottom-line: the recipe has to be special for the restauranting experience to be fulfilling. Shucks! I didn't have the guts to say 'yummy' after that.

Are connoisseurs of this, that or those ever able to enjoy this, that and those? Just something that I've been thinking about.

Do film critics ever really enjoy a film, just for the heck of it? Doesn't it always become a matter of study for them? Is it well-directed? Is the cinematography technically correct? How can he realistically do that? Isn't her reaction too frothy for the story? Is it weird that most Oscar-winner movies aren't as entertaining as they are different? When will a movie like The Dark Knight get the accolades it deserves? Why can't such a movie ever be nominated for the Oscars?

Copyright (c) 2008 Saadia Malik

Image credits: passingstorm.com